5 Simple Steps! Okay, this is totally a misnomer! This work of being attuned to our emotions and learning to share them is not easy. It takes a lifetime of practice, and in my experience, just when I start to feel comfortable, something shifts—whether in my heart, my life, or the relationship—and it feels like I’m back at square one again.
However, I believe these steps are concise and helpful, and I consistently return to them when I feel out of sync with my heart in my relationships.
While these steps can easily apply to romantic relationships, I want to invite you to broaden your perspective and first apply them to your relationship with God.
When I feel myself getting dysregulated in my relationships—with my husband, friends, or community—I go to God first. Not only does turning to Him offer mercy and forgiveness for all the messy ways my heart expresses itself, but it also resets me. My relationship with God is the blueprint for all my other relationships.
Through prayer, I’m reminded of who I am and, more importantly, whose I am. From that place of security in Him, I can approach my relationships with clarity, humility, and love.
Take a Breath: Before you react, pause. Take a moment to sit with the tension you’re feeling. Often, our first instinct is to fire off a demand to relieve the pressure we feel. Instead, let yourself pause. The space of a single breath can help you choose a different path.
Ground Yourself: Anchor yourself in the present moment. You can do this by:
Taking slow, deep breaths.
Placing your hand on your heart and noticing its rhythm.
Clenching and releasing your fists to release built-up tension.
Identify Your Emotions: Putting words to your emotions helps you step out of reactivity and understand your experience more clearly.
Is it showing up as a physical sensation—tightness in my chest, a knot in my stomach, or a heaviness in my heart?
Do I feel overwhelmed, anxious, or frustrated?
Identify Your Needs: Emotions often point to unmet needs. Once you’ve regulated your emotions, take time to ask yourself
What do I really need in this moment?
Is it help with something practical?
Is it emotional support or understanding?
Is it time to process or space to breathe?
Inviting Someone Into Your Need: When you’re clear on your needs, you can invite your loved one into the process. Invitation looks like saying, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and could use your help with this,” instead of criticizing, “You never help me with anything!”
Inviting is about connection. It respects your partner’s autonomy while opening a door for them to respond in love. It shifts the conversation from control to collaboration, creating space for trust and deeper connection to grow.
It’s through this process that I’ve found healing and the strength to share—even when it’s hard. Remember, these steps aren’t magic fixes, but they’re a way to bring you to a place of regulation in the midst of emotional distress. I pray these steps empower you to Manage your emotions in the midst of life’s challenges and changes, and channel them in ways that foster deeper communion, allowing you to grow into the fullness of who you as a child of God through meaningful relationships.
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